One of the tortures to the heart is beating for another that no longer beats for it back. We’re no longer in sync, no longer in harmony, one may skip and another may race, but together makes a big mess. So, as you’ve read by now…I’m selfish. If you haven’t….SHAME…all the shame on you!! Go scroll back two weeks after you read this one and after you comment. #laugh #iKidALittle
So yea… I’m a little selfish. I don’t like to share. I can be a bit territorial and can get jealous quite easily. My friends are MY friends, and if I like your friends…they become MY friends too. The double edge sword for me is that I’ve always been amazing friends with all of the people I’ve ever dated. It’s always sucked in the end because I always seem to lose both a great friend and great partner. Even after relationships, I STILL have it in my mind that they belong to ME….and I’m #theGuy.
No long blog, no deep thoughts…well…may be deep, I don’t know….we’ll see…may have something longer to say than this. But here’s the deal, you’ll always find yourself constantly offended, hurt, in your feelings if you continue claiming something that’s not yours anymore. When you move on, you’re not entitled to leave that much of your soul and heart in the past. LET. IT. GO.
After a while, you have to stop feeling sorry for you self, getting in your feelings, and just being unstable. And if you’ve messed up a good thing or two…forgive yourself. Move on. Stop giving yourself a place in hearts that have CLEARY shown you in word, actions, and with space that “this ain’t what it was.” When you let others go, that’s not a time to just sit and mourn or go find another deranged soul to love all over. It’s the time to find and love YOU. Release them…find you. Self sufficiency keeps you from putting on a show when you cross their path again.
I no longer worry about whose not there. Do I miss some people? ABSOLUTELY. I miss my dead daddy, too. Can’t change that though. Do I want some people back? Sure. But yo–I couldn’t keep doing this to my heart. I don’t get GM texts, GN nights, no one tells me, “thinking about you today,” and the “I love you’s” from my son are forced most days. But breh…I’m good. I’ve learned to love my self. I’m my own guy. I don’t depend on a clap from another that validate the dude I know I am.
One of the greatest lessons in the journey is learning to see that even with grey eyes…even being every bit of the dude some people can’t seem to love…I’m still a pretty dope dude. I’m good on all the extra stuff. I’m giving myself the heart that I seemingly gave to others….and you know what, it feels good. #imMyOwnGuy