Tag Archives: friendswithbenefits

IN. TOO. DEEP.

I don’t wanna hurt.

I don’t want to hurt.

Pain is real. LOVE is real. At times, the trigger of a memory is strong enough to break us down. Emotions are powerful and I’m learning those that are often victims of our reckless emotions are the ones that love us the most. What do you do when you’re in too deep? I’m learning that NOTHING is without sacrifice and NOTHING is without consequence.

So, here’s what it is: My battle has been long, bloody, and painful. But it hasn’t been all bad. Life is about the journey. We love. We hurt. We grow. We pain. We learn. We screw up and we do life stuff. NONE of that is wrong. You’re not penalized for exploring your journey. You’re allowed to fail, but you’re not allowed to died. Keep growing, keep living. That’s what this stuff is about. I’ve been hurt. But I’ve also hurt. It’s crazy how one soul’s freedom can be another’s prison.

Just when my heart started beating again, no love loss, hate, petty tendencies to manifest (…okay maybe a little, because it’s my love language), but just when I thought I was ready to move on…I’m back in a world I thought I left behind. How can a painful experience be such a beautiful beginning at the same time? What I should hate…I like. What I shouldn’t care about, I hurt over. This shouldn’t be my reality. But it is.

DEAR GREY, I’m sorry. If I would have known then that by exploring my journey, you would known the pain I knew myself, I would have never walked down that path. I’ve thought about you before. Only I didn’t know it was you. Before, you were just like everyone else. But in knowing you and coming to know you, I realize you’re one of the greatest people I’ve met. I want you on my journey, I want you in my world. We seem to have the perfect things in common. Yet so many things to hate each other for. But instead…the authenticity of who we are seem to bring us closer in a weird twisted sorted way.

Deep emotions reveals certain paths…such as aren’t common for most. Look, I don’t know much. But I do know it’s not just as simple as 123, abc. Our path isn’t like the average person’s. We have to accept that and grow to be dope in spite of that. Let’s hate each other if we must. Cry. Fight. And do what is needed to heal…but at the end of the day…WE MUST HEAL. We’re too awesome to be broken.

Can’t promise it’ll be cool overnight. But what I can say is I’m willing to ride the wave with you until you’re good. I’m in it with you with a good heart. I just want to see you well.

-a complicated world.

 

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Texts, Sex, & Apple Pie.

Monday. August 1, 2016, 6 p.m.

WARNING. I don’t know how this blog will end. I write at times without a blueprint in mind. I’m slightly annoyed. Why, eh…I’m a poet at heart, it’s a rainy Monday, and I missed Judge Judy today…

 

UPDATE.

Tuesday. August 2, 2016, 10:42 a.m.

I couldn’t finish this blog yesterday. At the rate I was going, I shutter to think how it would have ended. I got up, told myself, “life ain’t that serious. This ain’t that serious. Chill out.” Yes, I used the term AIN’T. But digressing. Let’s chat about a few things.

Meanwhile, some times life doesn’t work out the way we want it to. We cry, we grow, we win, and we lose. Relationships don’t always have a happily ever after…but you can have one. We have to forsake our imagination for the sake of a healthy soul. We weren’t created to be detached, anyone who insists on NEVER developing relationships with anyone…isn’t really a healthy soul. We need people…but the right people.

We have to stop putting time, commitment, heart, and tears into “moments”. Texts, Sex, and Apple Pie. We like that instant short hand communication…were we put in little effort in building communication. Stop letting, “I miss you” texts and “I love you” random late night messages make you dumb. Check out timelines, see who isn’t there and why you’re being summonded all of a sudden.  We’re being made to look foolish…and don’t care. Crash the dummy talk. You shouldn’t have to wonder and guess what a person means and what their intentions are…talk up, talk clear, and talk right.

Who doesn’t love sex, right? Yea…you’re evvvverybody’s bae, everyone misses you, and wants you bad when their hormones are on sky ten. Cut it. Culture loves intimacy without commitment. I’ll be the first to tell you, I’m not completely sold on the whole “marriage” idea all the time, but breh…sis. breh…I’m not sticking my penis in everything that wants it. And even if we have….don’t mean we will again. At some point, you gotta’ get tire of the same routine….how many times can you masturbate on FaceTime, Skype or whatever other site? How many pics can you send? We got it, we got it…you have a penis, you have a vagina…you think you’re the best product around…chill out. Discipline yourself to stop running back to the people who see you nothing more than fun trash. It gets lame afterwhile. It isn’t dope that they find you attractive and hit you up first when they want some…what’s dope is getting them to reply to your text after you let them hit. Dummy-up.

Some like apple pie warm, some like it with ice cream. Some won’t eat it store-bought, others won’t eat it unless Granny makes it with the special apples. Personally, I’ll devour it like a savage in a Wal-Mart checkout line. Point is….we all have our picks and preferences. And if you don’t have what we want…we just go on to the next. We like to be full and satisfied…but often full of the wrong stuff. Fed lies, narcissism, and a self loathing regiment that makes us believe that as dumb as we are …we really are okay. Our diets are screwed, yo. We’ve been eating our own dung for so long, that we get mad when others think it stinks and refuse to eat it too.

We gotta’ do better. And better starts with us. Skip the texts…love your self. Skip the sex…well…I mean….whatever. And the learn to try something new. Get a new song. Change the chapter in your life. Be good enough.

I hope this made sense to you…..sure did to me. Am I crazy? Am I dope? Lame or clueless….I don’t know…Let me know your thoughts.

 

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