I don’t wanna hurt.
I don’t want to hurt.
Pain is real. LOVE is real. At times, the trigger of a memory is strong enough to break us down. Emotions are powerful and I’m learning those that are often victims of our reckless emotions are the ones that love us the most. What do you do when you’re in too deep? I’m learning that NOTHING is without sacrifice and NOTHING is without consequence.
So, here’s what it is: My battle has been long, bloody, and painful. But it hasn’t been all bad. Life is about the journey. We love. We hurt. We grow. We pain. We learn. We screw up and we do life stuff. NONE of that is wrong. You’re not penalized for exploring your journey. You’re allowed to fail, but you’re not allowed to died. Keep growing, keep living. That’s what this stuff is about. I’ve been hurt. But I’ve also hurt. It’s crazy how one soul’s freedom can be another’s prison.
Just when my heart started beating again, no love loss, hate, petty tendencies to manifest (…okay maybe a little, because it’s my love language), but just when I thought I was ready to move on…I’m back in a world I thought I left behind. How can a painful experience be such a beautiful beginning at the same time? What I should hate…I like. What I shouldn’t care about, I hurt over. This shouldn’t be my reality. But it is.
DEAR GREY, I’m sorry. If I would have known then that by exploring my journey, you would known the pain I knew myself, I would have never walked down that path. I’ve thought about you before. Only I didn’t know it was you. Before, you were just like everyone else. But in knowing you and coming to know you, I realize you’re one of the greatest people I’ve met. I want you on my journey, I want you in my world. We seem to have the perfect things in common. Yet so many things to hate each other for. But instead…the authenticity of who we are seem to bring us closer in a weird twisted sorted way.
Deep emotions reveals certain paths…such as aren’t common for most. Look, I don’t know much. But I do know it’s not just as simple as 123, abc. Our path isn’t like the average person’s. We have to accept that and grow to be dope in spite of that. Let’s hate each other if we must. Cry. Fight. And do what is needed to heal…but at the end of the day…WE MUST HEAL. We’re too awesome to be broken.
Can’t promise it’ll be cool overnight. But what I can say is I’m willing to ride the wave with you until you’re good. I’m in it with you with a good heart. I just want to see you well.
-a complicated world.