Tag Archives: women

BAE.

There’s always that one person that will always have your heart,
You never see it coming cause you’re blinded from the start
Know that you’re that one for me, it’s clear for everyone to see
Ooh baby ooh you’ll always be my boo.

Usher feat. Alicia Keys, “My Boo”

 

Helllllooooo, it’s me. I’m IS back!! I know, I know, I say it with each new post….but seriously…I’m here…at least for this post anyway. So, hope you’ve been amazing since our last chat. It’s my hope that you’ve grown, healed, some how become a better human being or whatever on your journey.

So….I think I have a BAE. Like I real one…unofficially. But I don’t want to make a big fuss about it. I don’t do the whole title, commitment to title, and acknowledgement to bond stuff to well. I don’t know…I think we tend to make a big production sometimes out of things that are just common knowledge. I’ve had “bae” and the whole spill in my day, and yet a titles didn’t make bae mine anymore than the clarinet i had to give back at the end of the school year in grade school. Okay, maybe I lie a little…I never played the clarinet…I’m an ar-teast (artist), let me paint my picture here… I’ve had those that were “just friends” and have been in love with “just friend.” I’m learning that while titles aren’t completely irrelevant, they aren’t everything.

Journey with me. Think with me. Let’s talk for a bit.

So, I’ve been single for a while. Like nobody wants me. I mean…people want my elmo…but they don’t want my brain or my heart or whatever…you know…all the stuff that wouldn’t make me a whore. Yea…no one ever wants that. I did my share of wallowing, playing games, and pushing others away. I asked myself a question one day, and the answer left me warm and tingly all over…I felt like well…tingly…you get the point.

What is bae? Bae is who you tell all the news too. Good. Bad. Indifferent. You waste time with bae. You fight about everything, spend hours talking about nothing, and know everything about each other, yet still find new things about each other that you’ve never known. Bae is the soul that dares to journey life with you. The one who grows as you grow. And crazy enough…bae can have a bae, and yet what you share can supersede that. It’s scary what a bond can do. No sex, no agreement…yet amazingly happy. What’s yours is yours, what’s mine is mine…but in the words of Trey Songz, “holla if you need meeee, always gone be my boo…holla if you neeeed me, you know I still got you, and if you ever need me to be, what you need me to be, just remember you can holla at me.”Yo…I got that. I mean, I legit got that. Not in love or nothing…but yea…I got bae…and bae got me. This is verrrrry interesting. Stay tune.

Am I crazy? Am I just a whore? Am I just confused?

Talk. Tell. Don’t do toooooo much in the comments though.

Be nice.

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Sandcastles and Rain

Hey guys…and gals!! Yo! Been a busy week or so. I have to be better consistent in checking in. Thanks for the feedback, comment, and shares on the last post. Your public support means more than you know. Good job!! Meanwhile, I have a few random little thoughts I’d like to share. Comment. Share. Leave some feedback. Like. Hate. Whatever. Just say something!! lol

 

Meanwhile…I have nothing bad to say. I have no enemies to fight. I hate no one. I love everyone. I mean…I have a few people I don’t mess with…but nevertheless, we all good. Life has a way of bringing balance if you let it. Storms are dramatic. Their nature is often filled with turbulence, chaotic moments, strong winds, and such. Energy and emotions are high, and they can get a bit frantic. But even after the storm, there’s a erie calm. A few things may be disbursed, things may be a little scattered, but nonetheless….you assess, rebuild, and keep going.

Life is filled with storms. Some things you can predict, and some…they’re just unpredictable. Okay. Cool. Rebuild. The sun comes out again. You Laugh. Remember the joy of a Summer afternoon at the beach. The laughs, the picnics, and the swimming. The rain did what it did, so that the sun can do what it’s suppose to. That’s life. Embrace it and don’t fight it….but don’t stay stuck either. You shouldn’t always have rainy moments. Don’t live your life in a storm. GOOD VIBES ONLY.

Manage and steward your emotions well this year. Don’t make storms out of clouds. I’m learning how to just chill out over certain things. Once upon a time I would get irate, offended, and emotional about certain issues. Petty by nature, and a jerk by trade, it’s easy to become a jerk-tard about certain things I feel jaded by. But I’m entering into a new stage of sobriety. I will not bring rain to the sandbox.

SMILE. Enjoy the sun. Go to the beach…build a castle.

I’m building my sandcastle…even if I have to build it alone. Nothing will knock it down. No waves or storms will wash it away. I won’t sabotage my building by giving another the power to kick it over. I’ll enjoy my time at the beach, and then go home. And when the next storm comes, I’ll find some time to dance in it. I’ll smile anyway. I’m in a pretty positive place. Enjoying my world and those that want to be in it.

-building sandcastles.

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Blood, Scabs, and an Epiphany.

MEANWHILE, I’m a creative. I’m the hopeless romantic that isn’t all that romantic. I’m the relationship blogger that suck at love. The thing is…what I experience, what I know, and what I do almost never compliment each other. The sensible side and the imaginative side tend to war within. I have a secret. I believe in happily-ever-afters. THAT my friend is what screws me up. EVERY TIME. I believe a heart that says, “I love you.” And to ones that don’t, I often tell myself, “one day.” I believe in the harmonic flow of a healthy beating heart. I think love is dope. I think love is incredible. It’s just….maybe not for me. I mean, I want it to be…but, I don’t think love loves me. It’s been my experience that those who love big…often bleed big. I’ve bled a lot. And every so often without noticing, though I think I’m well, the blood of a picked scab will remind me just how much more I have to go.

Have you ever fallen and scrapped yourself…or maybe even cut yourself? It hurts! Like the initial pain…really hurt. Some of the pain that makes us bleed are deeper than others. Some cuts you clean, bandage and go on with the day, yet find that the blood keeps coming…even through the bandage. And then along comes the scabs. It’s a sign that the cut is healing, but it never looks pretty. Just because the bleeding stops, it doesn’t make the wounds invisible. Scars are the proof of real pain. As a kid, hating how ugly scabs appeared, I did my best to get rid of them…but I found that every time I did, I just bled again. Old wounds became new pain, and while it wasn’t the same…the feelings were unnecessary.  I have a habit reliving things in new ways and calling it new things. 

How many times do we have to bleed and relive the same pain before we get it? I look at my record. I tend to torture myself falling for hearts that I know can never love me back. I’m the type of dude that if you got me, you got me. Even after you’ve dropped me…I’m there. You can need the moon, and I’d find a spaceship to go get it and the three brightest stars just in case you thought about needed it later. But often that compassion left me being skipped and incomparable to a Walmart bus ride by another. I haven’t always been hurt though. I’ve hurt too. There were those that loved me beyond what I was willing to love about me and therefore pushed them away. I held people to a standard that other’s failed to live up to and kept them at a distance.

Maybe love isn’t bias. Maybe we just have to stop loving the wrong way. Perhaps new love won’t remind you of an old pleasure. New love will make you smile in different ways. LOVE is real. It can be beautiful… if you let it be.

Stop bleeding. Stop making others pay for what someone did or didn’t do. No one is obligated to change your bandage.

Stop picking at old wounds. Stop the memories. Stop bringing up old laughs, moments, and pain. It’s not healthy. Pain isn’t a bonding tool. What broke your heart shouldn’t be the tagline of your bio. We go picking scabs in hopes of finding “healing” “wholeness” and “closure” when all we do is bleed, awaken desire, and stir up emotions. Just heal.

REALIZE it will happen. LOVE will come when it decides to come. Just be emotionally stable and mature enough to handle it when it does. Love shouldn’t be one sided and it shouldn’t be painful. Love just loves. It confronts, it challenges, and it causes you to make bold decisions…but sacrifice is easy when you’re all in it. Be all in it. We’re getting older. Our hearts aren’t getting any younger. We can’t keep giving ourselves heart attacks beating for people, things, and hearts just will never beat for us. BEAT IT UP. I mean that in the purest sense. Change the rhythm of your beat.

Bring reality into your imagination. It’s a good thing to dream. But some times dreams turn into nightmares. But some times dreams end and when they do, you have to make a decision of waking up and living life, or creating a fantasy and living in a memory. IT DIDN’T WORK. IT’S NOT WORKING. IT’LL NEVER WORK.

W

A

K

E

 

U

P

 

!

  • beat responsibility.
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HER.

So, I can’t stop thinking about her. There’s this girl, she’s sort of perfect for me. She has a dumb stuff, but she loves my dumb stuff which makes her dope to me. I can’t really convey in words just how much she means to me. I’m sprung. I don’t know if that term is still used…it was back when T-Pain made the song. I digress though.

She’s BEEEAUTIFUL. I mean she’s way out of my league. Now, I’m NOT an ugly dude…but definitely wonder every now and then how did I end up with her. Her hair, her eyes, her lips, her body…and how she walks when she walks…especially in those heels…yea man…she’s all MINE.

But that’s not it though. As pretty as she is, she’s also smart. She’s spiritual. I don’t know where she came from or how she got it..but the girl just may be my best friend. We have deep conversations and wars over politics, Plato, pie, God, and football. Crazy thing is…I don’t even need a phone lock when I’m with her…she can have it. Okay…I’m lying…doing too much now. Laugh A Little. But I digress.

As dope as she is…can’t help but to think if she thinks the same…or even thinking about me. You see, this amazing woman..the mother to Johnathan and Jackson, the lady I want to spend the rest of my life with….yea…I haven’t met her yet. Opps. Guess I should have started the blog off like that. But that’s no fun…

In just a short time, I’ve learned a lot about love. I’ve loved and I’ve been loved. I’ve hurt, and I’ve also hurt. I know what it’s like to be trusted, and I know what it’s like not to be. I know what it’s like to be all in and committed…and I know what it’s like to have someone tell me they don’t love me anymore. Listen, pain changed people. I’ve changed and I’m changing. And when given the opportunity I’m going to be dope at this love thing again. I’m going to make it fun. I’m going to learn about me as I learn about her.

So if you’re reading…keep being amazing, stay sexy, stay focus. And when we meet..I promise..the hurt, the pain, all of the failed relationships…it will all make sense.

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